JUST BROWSING…

I have a sister, eight years older than me. When I was eleven or twelve she introduced me to the writers Maya Angelou, Margaret Atwood and Paul Theroux; to singers and musicians including Bessie Smith, Ella Fitzgerald, Carole Woods Coleman, and that inimitable band Harvey and the Wallbangers. I would meet her in central London and we would go to art exhibitions and watch foreign films (my favourites included Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, Au Revoir les Enfants, and Gerard Depardieu in Cyrano de Bergerac) at the cinema just off Leicester Square; and we went youth hostelling in England and Scotland. Between about 1983 and 1991 my sister broadened my horizons and most likely contributed to me being a little bit different to the rest of my peers. She also introduced me to a rather silly game which involved walking past a complete stranger and saying something very loudly - just a snippet - something odd or saucy. Something that would leave the poor person intrigued or confused or thinking WTF for the rest of the day. A few years ago I introduced my youngest daughter - then a teen - to the game. I tried explaining it to her first and then rather foolishly played the game, saying something blatantly risqué but vague as we passed a man on the street. It had the desired effect. We were amused and the poor man looked shocked and confused and just a little bit intrigued. So funny I thought, until I remembered I no longer live in London where you would be unlikely to see the man again. I live in a small town in Ireland, four years down the line and I'm still passing this man on the street. It's awkward to say the least. Why am I sharing this piece of useless, and quite frankly, dull information with you? Well, because the game reminds me a little of my experience of researching my books and the response I get - or could get - if someone glimpsed my notes or saw my browser history. It could definitely be a WTF moment.

I do a lot of research when I'm writing. I want my characters, their circumstances and experiences, to be as real as possible. For my last book, The Leaves Are Dancing (currently querying, please keep fingers and toes crossed) the research was mainly enjoyable and educational. I explored Irish mythology and folklore, and educated myself on dementia, speaking to carers, spending time with someone with dementia, talking to dementia experts. The folklore research was fun, the dementia research upsetting if informative. The notes and browser history for this book are nothing to worry about. But for my published book The Sum of all Parts and my work in progress, well that would be a bit like playing my sister's game. A glimpse at those notes, a brief peek at the browser history for these two stories might well cause concern or shock.

For The Sum of all Parts I delved into abuse, mental health issues and suicide. The main character in this book is not particularly happy - she is going through a breakdown, although I like to think that it could end up being a break through. Although in the main I was able to use my own experiences as a basis for the story, I did need to do research and in doing so I found some extremely disturbing websites on suicide. Sites encouraging, advising and 'helping' people to find the best way to shuffle off this mortal coil. It was awful, as was focusing on abuse and deteriorating mental health. The research was, in short, traumatising. I ended up being very secretive as I did my research, not wanting my teenage daughter to see these sites and what they encouraged. So when she came into the study I invariably closed the laptop or minimised the screen, I would shut my notebook, or turn my phone screen face down. I did not want her sharing the darkness. I dread to think what she thought I was up to, but the research disturbed me and I did not want to find out what affect it would have on her.

Fast forward to now and I am working on another book, which requires more research. The main character is a troubled soul who turns to alcohol and then drugs, and is involved in petty crime. It's not my area of expertise. I've never smoked a cigarette never mind hash. Never tried any drug. I'm partial to the odd whisky or a glass of merlot or chardonnay, but I very seldom indulge. I've never been in trouble with the police or gardaí either. So in order to make my character real and authentic, to make him believable to the reader, I am engaging in more proctological research. My browser history is certainly questionable. I am reading up on court news and looking at the type of documents used by the police and solicitors. I am looking at the effects of heroin and cocaine, signs that someone is using, the symptoms of an overdose. I'm researching the type of drugs taken in an intentional overdose, researching toxicological analysis and post mortems. It's disturbing but interesting and it was whilst I was doing this research for my work in progress that the game my sister taught me and my attempt at playing it with my daughter sprang to mind. What happened was this: I was researching and I called downstairs to Him Indoors "do you think I should use cocaine or heroin?" There followed a brief pause and then he called back, " I'd go for heroin. Maybe alcohol too. Mix a few things." Anyone overhearing that conversation would definitely be thinking WTF.

I think I better go and clear my browser history.....

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